Sleep....

I am exhausted. Mentally drained from the last 11 months. 11 months - 3 losses that equals a loss every 3.6 months a total of 17 wks that I was pregnant between the 3 losses. When you break it down... it doesn't look like much, but numbers. I guess to the majority of people it isn't much. If you don't have a big belly... and loose a baby.. its not a baby. I guess it's like if you loose your baby at 2 months to SIDS it is nothing compared to loosing a child at 7 years? Its not like you got to know that baby? Right? NO! you say, Oh I'm wrong? Really? Than why is it different for me? Why can I be dismissed. Why can my loss, hurt, anger and sadness mean so little? A child is child no matter what age right? Or is only if you can see it and feel it? Well I did see it and feel it. I saw those two beautiful lines, I saw that little beating heart, I felt the morning sickness, the sore boobs, the bloating. Just because it was not your sight or you feeling... doesn't mean it wasn't real. That I didn't have dreams and hopes from the first sight of those two lines. That I didn't have names picked out, trips planned, and books to read. But I guess I am wrong. We are a tactile society... if you can't see it, and touch it, it doesn't exist. Well your wrong. It was real...It is like, Love.. you know Love is real you can't touch it, or see it. But it is real. I had love for those babies. My babies. My Angel Babies.