New Day....

I woke up today having my allergies kick my butt... I have been unable to stop sneezing. But, I woke feeling better mentally....

I had a long conversation with a friend and family member. And I no longer feel alone. She validated every feeling of loneliness I feel. Sometimes you want the support of family.. But they are unable or unwilling to give it. You want them to be their for you, again sometimes they are unable or unwilling. You want them to be what they are too you .... , When you get used to having a support person that you feel like you can go to at any time... and they are no longer their for you. It is hard not to feel alone. Like she said sometimes you feel like all those years you were first...When you were their for that person NO MATTER WHAT they were going through, or how they needed you...to bitch about who ever or what ever, cry, get angry, help them through illness and death, and when you are no longer treated like that in return, when you need them the most.

While yes it hurts, But the question is was it because we were spoiled? Spoiled to have unconditional love...at that time, during the time that they needed us?.... and now that love and support has conditions? I don't know. She doesn't know. But what we do know.... we have the generic conversation with these people that has no meaning.. that I am checking on you out of what I feel I should do, not that I want to really, from my heart know how you are. And I honestly from my heart want to know how things are for you. And how do we know this? Who picks up the phone? How long does the generic conversation lasts? Do you even know that we need you? Nope...

So we ended the conversation thanking each other for asking how are you? good? NO really how are you talk to me.... I care. Love you, m.t. Love you !!!! And Thank you for letting me wake up not knowing I am alone!!! HUGS!