What is it like not to dream....

When you have no dreams... you have no tomorrow. When you have no dreams... you have no will to live. When you have no dreams... all you have is despair. I feel that is were I am in my life. I feel alone, I feel like a stranger, I feel like a failure. The last year so much has changed. I have lost so much... three babies, my family, trust.. trust of my body.. trust of Dr's.. trust of God.. trust of the Universe. When it rains, it pours. The last year has taken all dreams away. The last year has taken my breath away.. but not in the good way.. the last year has suffocated the me, that I used to be. The last year has killed the person I was. I will be unable to be the me I used to be. When I needed the familiar hugs.. their were no hugs. When I needed the familiar I understand.. their was no understanding. When I needed the unconditional love.. their was conditions put on it. When I needed to be reminded to dream.. that reminder never came.. and the dreams I had, the dreams I should still be holding on to, the dreams that should be keeping me going.. are gone. The support I needed was never given. Now I sit here the shell of a person.